Cracking title, shame about the rest of it

One of my old professors use to tell the story of the book he'd written that had made his name (and I suspect quite a bit of money for him). It was a cracking title - so good that the phrase entered into, aptly enough, popular culture. Shortly after the book had been published my old professor bumped into one of his contemporaries, a world renowned expert in the field. The expert rushed over and congratulated my old professor, telling him "cracking title Jim, shame about the rest of it."

Reading Simon Wilde's brilliantly titled Dumb-slog Millionaires in the Times I wonder if he ever had the same lecturer? If not, he probably had the same e-mail that I had with the dumb-slog millionaire pun in. It's so good that you've got to get a story out of it somehow. So what has Wilde to say.

Every cricket-loving child nurtures the dream of the hundreds they will score in Test matches. The dream is always capped the same way, a magical century brought up with a mighty hit into the stands.

This is the dream Kevin Pietersen still lives. Measured by his birth certificate,

Credit to Wilde here. No Pietersen article is complete without mention of his birth certificate, this is quite a cunning way to shoe-horn it into the article.

Pietersen is 28 years old but there is a part of him that is still eight, the little boy playing out his sporting fantasies.

Fair play to Pietersen is what I say. Why not enjoy what you are doing? Or is this just a sly way of getting a dig at Pietersen for not having dreamt of playing for England?


In one respect, he is doing a good job of realising them.

I'd say in just about every possible respect.

Averaging over 50 with the bat - check.
Scored hundreds against every nation except Bangladesh and Zimbabwe (mainly because he hasn't played against them) - check, check (as he has at least two against them all).
Hit the best bowlers of his generation for six - Warne, McGrath and who can forget that switch-hit off Murali? - check, check, check
Won the Ashes - check
Test double hundred - check

Of the 15 centuries he has scored in Test cricket, he has brought up 11 with boundaries. Last year, he ticked off a clutch of emotional highs by reaching a century at Lord’s (home of cricket) against South Africa (the land of his birth) with a boundary (Morne Morkel, crashed through point). No wonder his celebrations were so effusive: he whipped off his helmet and gave it a kiss.

So we can also tick off century at Lords, century against the land of his birth certificate and a boundary to bring up his hundred. Is Wilde going to suggest Pietersen has nothing more left to achieve and should retire forthwith?

But what of the times the adrenalin-rush went awry? When, in a frenzy of boundary-hitting, he threw away his wicket and stood accused of risking his team’s interests for the sake of his own?

Do Pietersen's runs not count to the team? Surely Pietersen scoring runs is in the team's interest and Pietersen getting out isn't in Pietersen's interest. Or have I missed something?

This recklessness has been on show too often for comfort. An analysis of Pietersen’s dismissals for scores in excess of 50 reveals that in 15 of 25 instances, 60%, he was out just before or soon after reaching a century, or having overreached himself as he tore a bowler to shreds.

Ooh, I like analysis. So, what about if he has passed fifty 25 times and we found out earlier he has 15 test centuries, doesn't that suggest his method of getting from 50 to 100 is actually quite successful? Do the names Alistair Cook and Ian Bell mean anything to Simon Wilde?

His first innings in Kingston was typical. Frustrated by a slow pitch and Sulieman Benn’s suffocating line, he lashed the giant left-arm spinner for four, four and six. That took him to 97. One more boundary and a century in his first Test since losing the captaincy was his. If Pietersen was not thinking rationally, his opponents were.

Coolly, Chris Gayle

Is this the same Chris Gayle who was later out for 104? You know, just after having reached a hundred?

stopped Benn mid-stride to adjust the field and allow Pietersen a moment to premeditate his shot at glory. Sure enough, Pietersen snatched at a slog-sweep and sent up the easiest of catches to the keeper. The ego had crashlanded again.

In the week in which he was valued by the Indian Premier League as the world’s most valuable cricketer, alongside Andrew Flintoff, “dumbslog millionaire” seemed the only appropriate name for him.

Hang on again. Wasn't it Flintoff who got out cheaply, recklessly slogging across the line in the second innings on Saturday. Surely that makes Flintoff a dumb-slog millionaire? Pedants might also note that Pietersen's attempted slog came before the IPL auctions, so before Pietersen was a millionaire.

Pietersen’s impetuosity was emphasised when Gayle moved to his own century by soberly fine-sweeping Monty Panesar for three. Gayle had just hit the England spinner for two mighty sixes but, unlike Pietersen, refused to get carried away.

Of course. I remember it well. Gayle hit Monty for six. And then, not getting carried away, he hit Monty for six again. And then played a shot which was full of contempt, nonchalantly flicking Panesar down to the boundary.

And then what happened? Oh yes, Gayle added another couple of runs and got out. Gayle made exactly SEVEN more runs than Pietersen. Had Pietersen's shot came off, there would have been exactly one run difference. An extra seven runs would have made the difference between losing by an innings and 23 and losing by only an innings and 16. Kevin, what were you thinking?

Blah, blah, blah

If Pietersen wants to be regarded as a truly great player he needs to throw off the excues (sic) and raise his game to the next level.

I suspect miscues are probably more of a problem than excues or even excuses.

To do that will require greater maturity than he now displays. He needs to accept he is not only an ordinary starter - whose first single is so often the notorious “Red Bull run” - but an ordinary finisher, too.

I've no idea what statistically being a good starter is, but I do know that The Don was out 18 times for single figures in 80 innings and he's normally a good starting point. Pietersen has been out 19 times for singles figures (and not one of them run out) in 85 innings.

As for being an ordinary finisher, this is a very interesting concept. Innings invariably end/finish when someone gets out, unless this is an oblique reference to the referral system and Darryl Harper.

This is, at the moment, the flaw in his genius.

Bradman's as well it appears.

He should remain aggressive but not be content with scores of 100, aiming instead for 150s, 200s and beyond. His average century score is 137, whereas Richards’ is 147, Graeme Smith’s 147, Brian Lara’s 173 and Don Bradman’s 186. He is selling himself short.

OK, so this is a bit more like it. In order to match up to Sir Donald Bradman, Brian Lara, Viv (presumably, rather than the equally gifted Barry) and Graeme Smith(!!!!) he needs to score bigger hundreds. I can buy that. It's not quite the same as saying his ego gets him out looking for the big shots to bring up his hundred though.

Kevin Pietersen may never regain the Test captaincy (though the leadership of the 50-overs and 20-overs sides could soon be his again) but, if he is serious about reclaiming the position he believes should be his, he must display a cool head under pressure.

Perhaps we should not hold our breath. In his seminal work, The Art of Captaincy, Mike Brearley quoted an academic who observed of sporting talent: “The ability to tap the boyhood sources of energy and illusion is essential in most highly competitive activities and one would hesitate to back a fully adult person (should one exist) in any serious contest. There is nothing like a sudden upsurge of maturity to impair the will to win.”

An upsurge in maturity on Pietersen’s part might just diminish his extraordinary game, not enhance it.

Wooooaah! So are you now going against every you've been saying? What is the point of me having bothered to read the preceding twenty paragraphs? Is this like the bit in Dallas, where it's all explained away as a dream?

Pietersen’s rushes of blood to the head

BOUNDARY FEVER
57 v Australia, Lord's, 2005 Out one ball after hitting Warne for six 71 v Australia, Edgbaston, 2005 Out two balls after hitting Brett Lee for six 87 v India, Nagpur, 2006 Out after taking 15 from previous five balls 158 v Sri Lanka, Lord's, 2006 Out the next ball after hitting Chaminda Vaas for four to equal his personal best score 142 v Sri Lanka, Edgbaston, 2006 Out two balls after reverse sweeping Muttiah Muralitharan for six 135 v Pakistan, Headingley, 2006 Holed out after taking 10 off three balls 70 v Australia, Perth, 2006 Holed out after taking 19 off six balls 226 v West Indies, Headingley, 2007 Out after hitting 14 from three balls

Got to say Pietersen was particularly rash when he got out for 226 against the West Indies. England were in all sorts of trouble at 556/6 when Pietersen recklessly hit 14 from 3 balls. What England, who declared immediately and went onto win by an innings and 283 runs, wanted was him to block that fourth ball, not get out. The situation called for a forward defensive. I can hear the ghost of Geoff Boycott already, and he's not even dead.

It was a similar scenario at Edgbaston where Pietersen was out for 158 against Sri Lanka. The score was a precarious 502/4 when Pietersen got out, allowing Flintoff to come in and club 33* out over a run a ball and England to declare on 551/6. Block, block, block!

I'm not overly enamoured with the methodology here, but according to this article Pietersen has been out having just hit a boundary within the previous couple of balls (not even always the previous ball) a total of eight times. Kevin Pietersen has been out a total of 82 times in tests, so presumably he's been out 74 times when he hasn't just hit a boundary that over.

In all Pietersen has hit 46 sixes and 487 fours. By my possibly ropey maths, that's a total of 533 boundaries for 2224 runs. Even if we discount the 80 runs he hit when he got carried away and got out eight times, he's scored 2144 runs in boundaries when he hasn't got out. And you want to rein him in?

CHASING A CENTURY
96 v Pakistan, Oval, 2006 Caught chasing wide ball; hit six three balls earlier 94 v South Africa, Edgbaston, 2008 Holed out attempting a six off Paul Harris, whom he had hit for two fours in his previous over 97 v West Indies, Kingston, 2009 Out trying to hit Sulieman Benn for six after taking 14 off three balls

LOSING CONCENTRATION AFTER HITTING TON
100 v Pakistan, Faisalabad, 2005 Out the ball after reaching his century with a six 109 v West Indies, Lord's, 2007 Out reverse sweeping Chris Gayle 15 balls after reaching a hundred 101 v India, Oval, 2007 Out four balls after reaching his century 100 v South Africa, Oval, 2008 Out two balls after reaching his century

The fact that he's been out four times having just got a century compared to three times before getting that century suggests if anything that he does better on adrenalin. On the basis of the information put forward in this article, slog away KP, slog away!